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It’s really kind of funny when you think about it. After all, lawyers routinely hold this holier-than-thou self image of themselves, while the rest of us hold quite a differing viewpoint of the legal profession to be sure. On one hand, lawyers see themselves as upstanding pillars of the community, a cut above the rest of the pedestrian crowd. On the other hand, the rest of us just see lawyers, attorneys, whatever - as a pack of lying, cheating, conniving con artists who would screw their own mother for five cents. I guess it’s merely a matter of perspective. When you get right down to the nitty-gritty, is there really any distinction between calling someone a lawyer, attorney or barrister or for that matter, a liar, cheater or swindler? Personally, I just don’t see the differentiation, but then again I’m not a lying, cheating, swindling lawyer either, thank goodness. And what’s up with this Esquire business that lawyers regularly tack onto the end of their names? Do you know what I’m talking about? Lawyers, when they really want to make a big impression on the rest of the crowd, will add the term “Esquire” to the end of their names just to make absolutely certain that everyone knows that they are not only low count lawyers, but low count lawyers with a princely handle to boot. An example of this Esquire nonsense would be a lawyer by the name of Ima Nogoodnick. In order to impress her clients, she would refer to herself as Ima Nogoodnick, Esquire. Wow, that ought to do the trick! Only a loony tune lawyer would believe that this absurd “Esquire” business would dazzle a customer. Are these guys out in left field or what? Lawyers like the sound of the term Esquire, since it makes them feel like a member of nobility. Unbeknownst to the lawyers, the term Esquire as applied to the legal profession dates back to its old English meaning of “good for nothing weasel”.
Rather, you would in all likelihood hear something more along the line of, “Larry Loser is my sorry ass lawyer,” or perhaps, “Larry Loser is my no count skunk of a lawyer who can’t find his rear with both hands.” While calling someone a lawyer should be a sufficient indictment of that person’s appalling lack of integrity and character in and of itself, most folks like to throw in the other descriptive terms for good measure. Besides, calling lawyers names makes us all feel a little better about ourselves as well. Down through the ages, lawyers have acquired a number of other labels that they didn’t originate. Nonetheless, these terms have managed to stick anyway. The most famous of these nicknames is ambulance chaser. Boy do lawyers hate that nickname. I don’t know why, since it has considerably more class than some of the other names they’re known by, including con artists, cheats, slicksters, snakes in the grass, shysters and the like. Then there are the befitting satiric caricatures of the term lawyer that would include clowns, buffoons, morons, nincompoops, half-wits (not to be confused with dim-wits, which is also apropos), nit-wits and knuckle heads. The list could go on and on. Lawyers like to make themselves sound important. We just like to make fun of them as often as possible. After all, it doesn’t take a whole lot of work since they are such ridiculously easy targets. Regardless of what you elect to call them, lawyers or any other derivative thereof, they are all one in the same - a abhorrent array of low count, low class, low life varmints. Hey, if you’ve got a goofy lawsuit you’d like to pass on to us, simply click Stupid Lawsuits and Other Funny Stuff and we’ll add yours to our ever growing list of stupid lawsuits. And while you’re at in, why not take a few moments and check out our growing collection of Funny Lawyer Quotes, Jokes and Cartoons? It’s Time to Wake Up and Smell the Lawyers Book: If you haven’t read our highly acclaimed book, you’re missing out on a load of information about America’s legal system – and a load of laughs as well. You can read excerpts taken from the book by clicking book chapter summaries here. You can sign up for our FREE newsletter by clicking subscribe in the box on the left of the page. Please tell your friends, relatives and business associates about our Lawyers Stink E-mail Newsletter. They can subscribe at our web site: http://www.power-of-attorneys.com (of course you can e-mail this newsletter to them!). If you would like to review past issues of our Lawyers Stink E-mail Newsletter, simply click view back issues of our newsletter. We always respect your privacy and will not share your e-mail address with anyone. If, at any time, you decide that you don’t want to receive this newsletter any more, simply click the unsubscribe link within the body of your newsletter. Thanks for reading this issue of the Lawyers Stink E-mail Newsletter and we’ll see you next month. As always, we welcome your comments and suggestions about our newsletter.
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Have you ever wondered what in the heck
gives with lawyers and their potpourri of professional names? It’s
beginning to get harder and harder to keep track of the myriad of labels
lawyers pin on themselves. Depending on the time of day, a lawyer can be
referred to among the legal elite by such regal names as advocate,
attorney, attorney-at-law, attorney-in-fact, barrister, counsel,
counselor, counselor-at-law, solicitor, legal professional, legal
representative, and of course lawyer. Come on, give it up already. Do
lawyers really need to have a dozen or so fancy-dancy monikers? Why
wouldn’t one or two cut the mustard for this haughty, arrogant,
pretentious lot? I think I just answered my question. The reason they need
so many stately bynames is precisely because they are a haughty, arrogant,
pretentious lot.
Outside
the legal profession, the term lawyer is rarely used without a descriptive
adjective preceding the term. For instance, you almost never hear someone
say, “Larry Loser is my lawyer.” 
