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Laughing at Lawyers.
Did you hear the story about the guy who
went into a crowded bar and said to the bartender, “Have you heard the
joke about the two dumb lawyers?” A man sitting next to the guy tapped him
on the shoulder and said, “Hey pal, before you start telling that joke, I
wanted to let you know for your own good that everyone in here is a
lawyer.” To which the guy responded, “No problem, I’ll tell the joke real
slow.
Everyone loves a good lawyer joke, except maybe the lawyers themselves.
Lawyers take themselves too seriously. Sometimes way too seriously. A few
years back the California Bar had the gall to get behind a lawyer backed
movement that would have made telling lawyer jokes a hate crime. A hate
crime for crying out loud!
To paraphrase the crybaby lawyers who backed the proposed legislation,
lawyer jokes are mean and nasty and make a mockery of the legal
profession. Come on, haven’t lawyers pretty much cornered the market on
making a mockery of the legal profession all by themselves? Were these
whimpering lawyers afraid that someone might horn in on their action?
Besides, how were the lawyers proposing to police the thousands of lawyer
joke violations? I guess the authorities would have been instructed to
toss comedians found guilty of committing the nefarious hate crime of
uttering illegal lawyer jokes in public into the slammer. Talk about a
joke! Didn’t the windbags supporting that ridiculous ordinance have
anything better to do, like sue someone or something? Luckily, this absurd
proposed legislation was justifiably laughed out of the courthouse.
Lawyers jokes have become the most popular form of humor in America today
and with good reason. Lawyers are everywhere we turn, working overtime at
making everyone else’s life a living hellhole. Is was only a matter of
time before lawyers would eventually become the brunt of widespread
ridicule and derision.
Lawyer jokes are well known for their therapeutic benefits. While we can
not cite any scientific study to back us up, everyone seems to know that
laughing at lawyers makes us all feel better, except maybe the lawyers
themselves. So what’s wrong with spinning a few lawyer jokes to lighten up
one’s day? Not a darn thing. Besides, if lawyer jokes tend get under the
skin of a lawyer or two, so much the better.
Lawyers know full well that they’ve been sticking it to us for hundreds of
years, laughing all the way to the bank. Isn’t it about time that we
enjoyed a little playful pay back at their expense for a change? Besides,
truth be told, there’s really only two lawyer jokes anyway - since the
rest of them are true.
And finally, here’s one for the road. A hotshot New York City lawyer went
duck hunting down in South Texas. Before long, the lawyer shoots and drops
a bird, but it falls into a farmer’s field on the other side of the fence.
As the lawyer begins to climb over the fence, an elderly farmer drives up
on his tractor and asks the lawyer what in the blue blazes he thinks he is
doing. The lawyer responds, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field and
now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old codger replied, “You better hold your horses there sonny. This is
my property and you’re not coming over here.”
The lawyer, more than a bit miffed at the old farmer’s gruff attitude,
responded, “Look old timer, I’m one of the best trial lawyers in America
and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take you to the
cleaners.”
The farmer smiles at the lawyer and says, “Apparently you don’t know how
we do things down here in Texas. We settle disagreements like this with
the Texas three kick rule.”
The lawyer asks, “What in the heck is the Texas three kick rule?”
“Well,” says the farmer, “first I kick you three times and then you kick
me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he
could easily take the farmer and agreed to abide by the local custom. The
farmer then slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked over to the
city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his boot into the lawyer’s
groin and dropped the lawyer to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped
the lawyer’s nose off of his face. The lawyer was now flat on his back
when the farmer’s third kick to the kidney nearly caused the lawyer to
give up. The lawyer then summoned every bit of his will and managed to get
to his feet and said, “Okay, you old coot, now it’s my turn.”
To which the old farmer coolly replied, “No, I give up. You can have the
duck.”
Were these lawyer jokes a hate crime against lawyers? I certainly hope so.
Speaking of jokes, if you like jokes about lawyers (and who doesn’t?),
click Funny Lawyer Quotes, Jokes and Cartoons or
Lawyer Joke of the Day
and you’ll be treated to some of the funniest lawyer jokes around.
And if you have a funny lawyer joke you’d like to share with the rest of
America, you can contribute it to our ever growing list of lawyer jokes by
clicking The Lawyer Joke Exchange.
If you’d like to check out our highly acclaimed book, simply click
It’s
Time To Wake Up And Smell The Lawyers.
Here’s wishing you a lawyer free day!
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