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Making Money Like It’s Going Out of Style.
We’d like to welcome you to this month’s issue
of the Lawyers Stink E-mail Newsletter. Today we’re going to talk about
lawyers and how they’re methodically bilking billions of dollars from the
general public and transferring this loot into their own overflowing
coffers.
We need to face the music, when it comes to lawyers and lawsuits, money is
always the name of the game. Money and lawyers literally go hand in hand
-- that is, from your hands to theirs. The cost of legal representation in
America has gone through the roof and with good reason. There’s an old
saying that goes “it takes money to make money”. Lawyers, ever the cunning
lot, have carefully reconstructed this old adage to more appropriately fit
their viewpoint: they take your money and make it their money.
Just take a quick glance across the country and you’ll find that lawsuits
and litigation have replaced baseball as America’s favorite past time.
Americans are so busy suing the pants off of each other that America’s
lawyers are up to the legal briefs in litigation. Even the lawyers who can
barely find their rears with both hands, much less the courthouse, have
more business than they can handle.
This suing business is big business and looks to be getting even better.
It seems as though “sue into others before they can sue unto you” has
become America’s revamped golden rule.
America’s courts are so clogged with a never ending potpourri of frivolous
lawsuits that litigation takes forever - or so it seems (click
Stupid
Lawsuits and Funny Stuff to review our archives of goofy lawsuits). As
more or more lawyers cram more and more lawsuits into an already
overloaded legal system, the time and costs associated with litigation
will continue to soar out of sight.
There’s an old adage that says “time is money” and it is certainly
appropriate when talking about the legal profession. There can be no
debate whatsoever that time can become quite an expensive proposition when
you get involved with lawyers and lawsuits. If and when you hire a lawyer
to represent you, you’ll quickly discover that the conversation will
shortly divert from the merits of your potential lawsuit toward the topics
of paramount interest to the lawyer -- hourly rates, contingency fees,
bill-able hours, expenses and the like. More than anything else, the
lawyer wants to make damn certain that you have the means to foot the
legal bill.
Once you’re lucky enough to have the lawyer “take” your case, the flow of
money from your bank account to the lawyer’s coffers will commence
immediately. You’ll get hammered an endless array of consultation costs,
deposition costs, discovery costs, transcript costs, court reporter costs,
telephone call costs, correspondence costs, research costs, more telephone
call costs, mailing costs … costs, costs and more costs.
And what do you get for all of the legal expenses incurred? You get to
wait and wait and wait some more. Seems like a fair exchange, doesn’t it?
There’s a very basic principle lawyers abide by and it is this -- the
longer a lawsuit takes, the more money the lawyer makes. Big surprise
there! And protracted, expensive lawsuits are the rule rather than the
exception these days.
Win, lose or draw, lawyers are raking in money by the millions and
sometimes even in the billions. That’s right - billions of dollars (see
class action lawsuit update). To paraphrase the late U.S. Senator Everett Dirkson, who was at the time talking about all of the waste in American
government, “A billion here, a billion there - pretty soon you’re talking
real money.” No kidding.
Lawyers are routinely abusing America’s legal system to make more money
than they know what to do with (see
stop lawsuit abuse). But there’s one
thing for certain, they’re not about to lower their fee structures -- or
give the money back for that matter either.
Unfortunately, somebody has to pay for all of these millions and billions
of dollars that are being siphoned by millionaire and billionaire lawyers
from virtually every business in America in one form or fashion -- and
that somebody is you and me. We all pay and we all lose (with the glaring
exception of lawyers). Lawyers will continue to extort money from us all.
A million here, a million there … a billion here, a billion there - easy
come, easy go. The beat goes on and on. See you next month.
As always, we wish you a lawyer free day!
Hey, if you’ve got a goofy lawsuit you’d like to pass on to us, simply
click
Stupid Lawsuits and Other Funny Stuff and we’ll add yours to
our ever growing list of stupid lawsuits.
And while you’re at in, why not take a few moments and check out our
growing collection of
Funny Lawyer
Quotes, Jokes and Cartoons?
It’s
Time to Wake Up and Smell the Lawyers
Book: If you haven’t read our highly acclaimed book, you’re missing out on
a load of information about America’s legal system – and a load of laughs
as well. You can read excerpts taken from the book by clicking
book
chapter summaries here.
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Thanks for reading this issue of the Lawyers Stink E-mail Newsletter and
we’ll see you next month. As always, we welcome your comments and
suggestions about our newsletter.
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