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I hope this month’s Lawyers Stink E-mail Newsletter finds you doing well and enjoying a lawyer free day. Today we’re going to talk about some of the most classless vermin blighting the face of the earth – class action lawyers. Although I don’t trust any attorney farther than I can throw them (and I probably could throw them a ways, especially those little weasel like lawyers that deserve to get chunked on their high falooting ass), not all class action lawyers are created equal. Some class action attorneys are really deceitful and dishonest to the bone – and then there are the really bad ones (that was supposed to be some sort of disclaimer – I think I need to work on it a little more). In Chapter 10 of our highly acclaimed book, It’s Time to Wake Up and Smell the Lawyers (click Chapter 10 to read excerpts), we explore the seedy world of big time class action lawsuits. As we discuss in the book (click here to order your copy of It’s Time to Wake Up and Smell the Lawyers), the class action industry was pioneered by entrepreneurial lawyers who threw caution to the wind and blasted through the once professionally taboo area of client solicitation. By grouping “classes” of claimants together, the lawyers could obtain class action certification to substantially increase pool of litigants and bolster the odds of extorting ungodly sums of money from the companies being sued. Savvy class action lawyers have learned how to select the proper venue for their class action schemes. Class action lawyers are well aware that finding the right place as well as the right time to file their class action lawsuits plays a pivotal role in the success of the class action exercise. Venue or forum shopping occurs when the lawyer seeks the optimum court to bring forth his or her case, regardless of where the plaintiff resides or where the injury occurred. Don’t think for a minute that the class action lawyer doesn’t know good and well where the best court (not to mention judge) to bring his or her class action lawsuit in front of is located. Then once the lawyers obtain class action certification from the court, they lawyers start hammering the targeted company or industry (click class action lawsuit update to check out various industries that have been targeted by lawyers) into submission. By the way, when lawyers start suing, they are wont to sue anyone and everyone who could remotely be involved in the lawsuit. Why? Come on, you need to get with the program here. Lawyers, especially the high flying class action moguls, are highly proficient in making darn certain that they don’t leave anyone with a few dollars in their checkbook out of the lawsuit if at all possible. Now, are you ready for the best part of the deal (at least as far as the lawyers are concerned)? When it comes time to settle the class action lawsuit, who gets what? Let’s see, the class of claimants generally get anywhere from zero to a few bucks or maybe a discount coupon of some sort. The class representative, the person or persons who are the named plaintiffs in the original lawsuit, generally take home a few thousand. Last but certainly not least, the lawyers get millions of dollars. The class participants barely get enough to buy a happy meal while the lawyers get enough to buy a bungalow in the Swiss Alps. Seems fair, doesn’t it? Class action lawyers have long professed that their primary motivation is the public’s safety and general welfare rather than their own personal gain. As is always the case when classless class action lawyers start yapping about the public good and how the money isn’t really important, their superficial, self indulgent statements just don’t hold water. Lawyers are always in it for the money and the class action lawyers are certainly no exception to the rule. Money first, last and always is their unspoken motto. They are certainly in a class by themselves. As always, we wish you a lawyer free day! Hey, if you’ve got a goofy lawsuit you’d like to pass on to us, simply click Stupid Lawsuits and Other Funny Stuff and we’ll add yours to our ever growing list of stupid lawsuits. And while you’re at in, why not take a few moments and check out our growing collection of Funny Lawyer Quotes, Jokes and Cartoons? It’s Time to Wake Up and Smell the Lawyers Book: If you haven’t read our highly acclaimed book, you’re missing out on a load of information about America’s legal system – and a load of laughs as well. You can read excerpts taken from the book by clicking book chapter summaries here. You can sign up for our FREE newsletter by clicking subscribe in the box on the left of the page. Please tell your friends, relatives and business associates about our Lawyers Stink E-mail Newsletter. They can subscribe at our web site: http://www.power-of-attorneys.com (of course you can e-mail this newsletter to them!). If you would like to review past issues of our Lawyers Stink E-mail Newsletter, simply click view back issues of our newsletter. We always respect your privacy and will not share your e-mail address with anyone. If, at any time, you decide that you don’t want to receive this newsletter any more, simply click the unsubscribe link within the body of your newsletter. Thanks for reading this issue of the Lawyers Stink E-mail Newsletter and we’ll see you next month. As always, we welcome your comments and suggestions about our newsletter.
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